Faith Elizabeth

In June of 2017 I discovered (very early) that I was pregnant. We had been trying for another semi seriously and it happened much quicker than I ever dreamed. It took for what seemed like forever to get pregnant with a Talent. This baby was something God knew we needed. We didn’t share the news until sometime in Juky. My two best friends knew but no one else. It seemed like a dream, like I would wake up and find out it wasn’t real. Seth was excited, he wanted another child. Me, I was terrified but happy. Pregnancy and I don’t get along so well. I’ve often said the only good parts about pregnancy are that you can be as big as a house and people gush over how cute you are and you get to feel the magic of this sweet life moving inside your stomach. 

From early on I had my suspicions that this child would be a girl. I noticed I didn’t have as many headaches, I was way more tired, and I wasn’t nearly as sick as I was with T. We went and had our ultrasounds done to see the baby’s heartbeat and all. I had blood work drawn to check for genetics abnormalities and gender. It took about 10 days to get the results back from that test. I had an appointment with my OB and Seth was off to go with me. My doctor had our nurse call for the test results while we were there. We were nervous and excited to find out the gender. The genetics test wasn’t even on our radar. Then Tara comes to get me and put me in a room. I could tell by the way she looked at me that something was wrong. Stacie walked in and she was shaking. Tara came in right behind her with a box of tissues. Stacie told us we were having a girl! But.....she has a high likelihood of Down syndrome. 

Wait. What? Are you sure? Not our little girl. This has got to be wrong. My heart broke as I watched the man I love fall to pieces. He blamed himself because he was the one that had asked to have another child. So naturally he thought he was to blame because if he didn’t ask for another we wouldn’t be facing this. It’s all nonsense. There’s no way we could know this would happen. But, it was happening. 

Fast forward to at least one, sometimes two, appointments a month. Lots of visits with the specialists in the city. Countless times of being told my uterus was basically 100. I finally reached out to the Facebook world and asked for prayers. I had many people ask if they couldnprayfor our baby girl not to have Down syndrome. I felt that was selfish. God doesn’t make mistakes. He didn’t give me this child as a punishment or an accident. He gave her to us for a reason and there was no way o was going to ask God to change what He knew I needed. 

I hurt in the beginning. My anxiety tripled. At one point I made my best friend, Elizabeth, go with me to the doctor to discuss all of the anxiety I was facing. That was after a visit with the ONE doctor I actually liked at the specialists. He told me there was a chance Faith wouldn’t make it or wouldn’t live long. Something inside of me broke that day. Without Liz going with me to the doctor, I’m. It sure how I would have made it the rest of the pregnancy. It was a dark time. It was a scary time. But, I made it through. 

At each appointment the doctors would tell me how I was going to carry this child until 38-39 weeks. That we would schedule a cesarean for that time. I smiled. I knew better. There was absolutely no way my body could or would hold out that long. I knew my body better. lol and behold at 32 weeks I went in for my weekly ultrasound to check Faith’s growth. The ultrasound tech couldn’t find her taking practice breaths. So off to labor and delivery they sent me to have a “non stress” test. Now if you’ve never had one of those, let me tell ya, it’s stressful. You’re amped up and worried because there could be something wrong with this tiny human inside of you. 

I called Seth as soon as they told me I needed to go to labor and delivery for the testing. He didn’t answer. I called Elizabeth and told her what was going on and begged her to come meet me. I finally got ahold of Seth and he came up right about the time things got serious. My blood pressure was incredibly high and I was contracting every 8 minutes. Things looked to be progressing rather quickly. So since they couldn’t get my blood pressure down and I was contracting, they called an ambulance. I got to ride it all the way to the hospital in the city. I listened to Eric Church as tears streamed down my cheeks. I was scared. 

Seth met the ambulance at the hospital. He rode the elevator up with me & my amazing ambulance crew. We got checked in and they asked me a million questions. Dr. Porter came in to tell me they didn’t want to deliver yet but that I was not going home still pregnant. He expected me to be in bed rest in the hospital until the birth several weeks later. Yeah, that didn’t happen quite like he planned. He left and another doc came in. I had a terrible migraine and they were afraid I would have a seizure or a stroke. They gave me meds and said if it wasn’t better they were taking the baby via cesarean. Thirty minutes later and I still had the migraine. So.....doc said let’s have a baby. 

I remember them taking me to the operating room and hooking me up to IVs. I remember there being a radio on or maybe I dreamed that. I remember the epidural guy sucked and I wanted to tell him my last anesthesiologist was much better but I didn’t. I vaguely remember them bringing Seth in and I threw up on him. They started the cesarean and I remember them setting this tiny pink bundle next to me wrapped in a blanket. Seth and I took a photo with us and her. I remember nothing else until 3:30 in the morning the next day when my nurse came and asked if I wanted to go see my baby. 

What kind of question was that? Of course I wanted to see my baby. So off to the NICU we went. I shrill couldn’t use my legs much so I was wheelchair bound. I couldn’t hold Faith yet because she needed some special stuff done or something. I don’t really remember. I just remember this tiny pink beautiful thing in an incubator that was enormous compared to her. She looked a lot like her brother did when he was born only on a much much smaller scale. She was at least half the size he was when he was born. She was bitty. 

We spent five days in the hospital for me and six days in the nicu for Faith. They were the longest days of my life. I was away from my baby boy and my heart hurt. I was so torn. Mom & Dad brought him up to see me. It wasn’t for very long but my heart needed to have him near me. When we finally got to go home I don’t know that I could have been more excited. I was ready for my family to be together. 

Faith Elizabeth came into this world at 9:49pm weighing a little over 4 lbs. She was the tiniest thing I had ever laid eyes on. But boy was she full of sass! She originally had oxygen in and she took it off. They taped it on, she ripped it off. So they took it off completely and let her be on room air. She was a fighter from the start. Everything they said she couldn’t or wouldn’t do....she did. The doctors did scans of her heart, brain, intestines, and pretty much every other part of her. She was perfect. The parts of her brain that we were told were full of excess fluid, well, they weren’t. Her brain and skill were formed different. It was her normal. No life threatening problems at all. She was perfect. My heart was so full of thankfulness. You see, before this I prayed. I believed in God and His amazing works. But, I hadn’t ever experienced them first hand. This was all Him. Every single bit of this child’s life.....it was all God. 

Today Faith is just a little over 6 months old. She weigh 8 lbs and is now 21 inches long. She is trying SO hard to be on the move. This busy girl has places to go and people to see. She doesn’t want to be tied down we see a therapist for her every two weeks. We work on muscle tone and find ways to improve her tone. She is doing absolutely amazing. 

Talent has taken to being a big brother better than I ever imagined. He loves this little girl fiercely. Being able to watch him become a big brother has been really me of the greatest joys of my life. He knows she has DS and he doesn’t care one bit. He loves his Sissy more than anything in this world. He likes to hold her and cuddle her. He loves for me to wake him up with “sister snuggles” in the mornings. Oh and heaven forbid I pick him up from school without her! 

Let’s be real, having two children with special needs is hard. Managing T’s food allergies for the last seven years had been one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. But I look at that struggle and see how it has prepared me for the work I have ahead with Faith. I have learned to step out of my safe little comfort zone. I’ve learned to accept differences and overcome my own fears. I learned through this entire experience just who i could count on and who would be there when I needed them most. I was surprised by some that reached out to me. Some people I never expected to be kind. I learned that people change and I’m so thankful for the friendships I discovered during all of this. 

Faith is going to be my unstoppable child. She is not going to ever take “no” for an answer. She is going to be absolutely amazing. I can already see it. We were told she wouldn’t be able to nurse because of the DS....she’s exclusively breast fed. We were told she wouldn’t likely be able to roll over until well after six months....she’s been doing it since month three. This girl is absolutely incredible already. I can’t wait to watch her grow and change. I know the world is going to be a better place because she is in it. 

Peace....

The last few months have been very stressful for me. I started a new job, which meant leaving Talent with someone else through the week. I lost a friendship that I never thought would end up the way it is. I had some other situations that were popping up that I didn't know quite how to deal with. My car is broke, the hot water heater went out...... It seemed like the downpour would never end.

Things have started getting less crazy. The car is somewhat fixed, the job is AMAZING, the lost friendship still hurts, Talent is thriving, and we got our hot water heater replaced today. It's getting better. I still have a few things that leave me feeling like I can't breathe every once in a while, but, with time and prayer, it's getting better.

Tonight I decided I would stay up and watch my favorite shows. Talent was restless and couldn't get to sleep so I put him in here with me and left the lights and TV off while I looked at font foundries online. I'm getting a new tattoo with Talent's name for my birthday. I heard a sigh and looked over to see Talent out like a light. Looking at his sweet face made me stop for a minute and soak in the beauty of this child.

Sure, there are days when he makes me absolutely bonkers. But, for the most part, he is an amazing kid. Talent has the biggest personality. I've never seen so much imagination in one little kid. He loves to plant things and watch the "big booms" as they go down the highway. He has the sweetest heart. I know on days when I've been stressed to the max, he always makes me laugh and smile. I am so thankful to have him and get the opportunity to be his Mommy.

We've been talking about school. He will start in 2016. I have already spoken to one of the teachers there and I feel a little less stressed about his food allergies. I am hoping that maybe he will be able to have my friend as his teacher that first year. I feel more comfortable because she has had food allergy kids before.

Talent is doing much better with his speech. He's still going to need speech, but, my friend, Amanda, has moved back to the area. She has helped me with speech issues this far. I know he's comfortable with her. I think it would be a great thing for him. She has three kids, one a year older than T, and two younger. They get to play at church things.

This crazy beautiful life of mine is good. Tonight as I sit here and watch my baby sleep, I am reminded of the important things in life. So, I'm going to soak up every minute I have with this boy.

Change....

This last week has been filled with changes. We no longer have a three year old, Talent's "sucker" went bye bye, and I started a new job. Each change brought many emotions for me. 

Let's start with having a 4 year old.....there are so many new things that Talent is doing. He is talking nonstop, has an incredible imagination, his personality is so overwhelmingly wonderful at times, and he is finally (with some bribing) trying some new foods. Watching him grow over the last 4 years has been the most amazing thing for me. I have been blessed to get to stay home with Talent since he was born. I've never left him for more than a few hours. He has rarely spent a night away from me. We have laughed, tickled, sang, danced, and made up (and read) many awesome stories. It has been the best job I've ever had in my life. 

Tonight as I lay here trying to turn off my mind, I can't help but feel a little bittersweet about this new job. It couldn't be more perfect for what I need. But the last 3 days I have gotten up, taken him to one of his grandparents, and gone to work. It feels so weird leaving him. All day I sit at a desk and enter information into my computer. I am learning so many things. Yet, I am constantly missing my boy and wondering what I'm missing and how he is doing. Is he being good? Is he safe? How are his allergies? Please God, don't let there be anything where he is that can hurt him. So many thoughts all day about my precious boy. I now have a very clear picture of how my husband must feel. The last three days of work have been wonderful. My boss is the kindest man. My coworker is such a sweet lady. But, I'm missing my kid. Tonight as I tucked him in to (my) bed, he said, "Mommy, I love you. I missed you as big as I love you!" I know, sweet baby. Mommy has missed you too. My sidekick, my best buddy.....days without hearing your tiny voice say "Mommy!" A hundred thousand times have been hard. Don't get me wrong, I am happy to have found this job. It will allow me to make my own hours, attend everything that T ever does once he is in school, and allow me to be at the school quickly when he needs me. I will be able to be with my husband and family when we have things going and not have to worry about my job. It is a big blessing having this job. I am happy to be helping my husband and helping provide for our family. I just miss my boy. Working moms and dads have it rough. I've only been to work three days...all around 7 hour days and I am already struggling. How do people do this? How does this get easier? I realize I'm an overly present parent. But, I love my kid. I enjoy my time with him. I love hearing his voice all day everyday. 

Between having a 4 year old and working, this week has been emotional. I know it will get easier. But for now, I'm going to hold my baby a little longer. Soak up all I can before that alarm goes off in the morning. Enjoy your kids. They are only little once and once this time is gone....you can't get it back. Make some memories. 

Four years is creeping up on me!

I'm It has been a while since I blogged. Truthfully, things around here haven't been all that busy. We've just been enjoying our time together. Seth and I have worked on a few projects together over the last month or so. We've made a headboard, built a fence, and put new recessed lighting on our patio. Oh and we we finally got rid of our attic birds. 

Talent is growing. He's talking so much and it is so much clearer. I still have to translate for people sometimes. But those times are less and less. I love seeing all of the things he is learning. 

We recently got him fish. He has been potty training and we promised when he made it 7 days without an accident he could have a fish tank with a couple of fish. He finally made it about a week ago. We bought him some neon tetras. He LOVES them. So much that he finally is back into his own bed at night. He wants to sleep with his fishies. It has been nice to have that little bit of our routine back. 

In a few days we will be celebrating Talent turning 4. I cannot believe how fast time is flying. He will go to kindergarten next year. We have decided not to start Pre K this year. I'm still a little unsure at times. But, I don't think he is going to suffer by not going to Pre K. I have so much to consider because of all of his food allergies. It's daunting at times. 

For T's 4th birthday we bought him an RC car from Walmart. Our parents went in on the gift with us. Since his birthday isn't long after Christmas, I like buying him one big gift that everyone can go in on for his birthday. It keeps me from having more inside toys to pick up. 

In a few weeks we will have his farmyard birthday party. I let Talent pick out his own theme this year. He loved the cupcakes we found on Pinterest for Jenny to make. He is excited. Every single you he sees on TV is something he "wants" or "needs" to have. That phase has been overwhelms. 

Takent's food allergies are pretty much the same. We think he may have outgrown his soy allergy. He hasn't reacted to the fish or fish food and that makes me wonder how that allergy is also. I am hoping to have him tested again before he starts school. 

Here are some more recent pictures and evidence of a budding personality. He's hilarious. He's super smart. And he has the kindest, most loving heart. 

Potty training....again.

Okay so I have attempted potty training this child more than once. Yes, you read that right. I have attempted to potty train a few times and each time failed miserably. Talent wasn't ready, he was still having issues with his bowels not working properly, we just didn't know what the heck we were doing.... There are many reasons it never worked before. 

Last week I decided I was done with pull-ups. I told Talent that he was going to wear big boy undies and we weren't going to wear pull-ups anymore. He looked at me with the most pitiful face and said, "Oookay." I let him pick out what underwear he wanted to wear and we set the pull-ups timer on my phone for 45 minutes. We went to the bathroom every 30-45 minutes all day. To say we were in the bathroom more than we were anywhere else that first day is an understatement. By 5 I quit. He and I needed a break from each other and potty training. He had a few accidents that first day but I was determined he was going to do this. So on we went the next day with potty training and spending more time than I ever have in the bathroom. Let's just say that this child was blessed with not just one dose of stubbornness, but two. He gets it from my husband and myself so we are pretty screwed when he digs his heels in. The second day was better than the first but by day three I was so sick of seeing the inside of our house and bathrooms that I finally ventured out of the house with underwear and pants in my purse. Now I fully expected him to have an accident while we were gone. But, he didn't. He held it after telling me he needed to go and we were on the road and there was truly nowhere to go. We made it home and he went pee and we danced and sang our potty song and things finally started looking up. 

Now a week has passed and we have made MANY trips out of the home. We are getting braver and he is coming to tell me when he needs to go. We are using the potty timer less and less. He is doing an amazing job. I couldn't be more proud of this stubborn little boy. He's using the potty, wearing big boy underwear, and making progress each day! He gets a reward for all of his efforts this week. He has worked SO hard and I am buying him a new game for his LeapPad. He has made me proud at all of his efforts. Even if he has resorted to my famous moves of eye rolling. I get that every single time I ask if he needs to go. I now know why my Mom wanted to knock my eyes out of my head. At least the hardest part is over and we are just about free from diapers. I can carry a normal sized purse soon and not have to worry about having a huge monstrosity to carry extra wipes and diapers and all of that crap. I finally see the light at the end of the diaper tunnel and it is glorious! 

Helicopter Mom?

Yesterday I posted an article about M&M's being recalled all over the nation because they mixed up theater boxes. Instead of PLAIN M&M's in your plain M&M's box, you'll find PEANUT M&M's. Well, I tagged my friends and family in the post and stated that M&M's were no longer a safe treat for Talent. I had a friend comment on the post and tell me that it was only the theater boxes and the other packages should "be fine"....REALLY? SERIOUSLY??? Let me just ask this one question, does YOUR child have a severe peanut or tree nut allergy? One that causes him to stop breathing and go into anaphylactic shock? No? Well, then, shut up. I'm sorry if that comes across rude. Actually, no I'm really not. I was once that blind to allergies. But, let me tell you, a sweet little boy came into my world and changed how I look at everything. Food allergies are a big thing.

I spend more than half of my time reading labels, looking up companies, even sometimes making phone calls or writing emails to them to double check the safety of foods that my child eats. Before we are able to eat at a restaurant with our family, I have to check the safety of the place. So, just because you think plain M&M's are safe, doesn't make them safe. Just because something doesn't CONTAIN nuts doesn't mean there aren't trace amounts from a product that was manufactured on that very same equipment. I also have to check on lotions, bath soaps, shampoo, diapers, wipes, and any kind of personal care item his skin could possibly come in contact with. We recently had to change detergent because we discovered they were using peanut oil in with the fragrance. Seriously, peanut oil in my laundry detergent? And no, it wasn't labeled....if I wasn't on a million different allergy mom boards on facebook and other sites, I would have no clue. Personal care items don't have to be labeled the same as food items. It is a very scary thing, but, we read and do research on everything we bring into the house for him.

So, just for you viewing pleasure, and so that you see I'm not overreacting, here are a few photos of what happens to Talent when he is exposed to FISH, PEANUTS, & TREE NUTS. I am not a paranoid mother. I have seen Talent's reactions first hand. They are scary. Seeing your child gasp for breath, hearing him wheeze, and knowing his lungs are struggling to get air....it is terrifying. What Mom would ever want to see their child go through this? I know the times I saw it, it scared me to death. I got Talent to the doctor within minutes. I never want to see these reactions again. So, if I come across hateful, rude, or just plain mean about his food allergies, I have a really good reason. Anaphylactic shock is a serious thing, Talent could lose his life. I only have one him....if something happens, I can't get him back. So, forgive me if I seem a little untrusting. Forgive me if I am a little more than cautious when it comes to food. Take a good look at these pictures, look at the hives, look at the swollen eye....then picture it ten times worse. That's what I got to see. Be thankful for your healthy kid. Be thankful that your child will never have to worry about what is in a cupcake or in a package of chocolate. Take the time to step out of your own comfort zone and learn about allergies.

This is Talent after eating a SUGAR COOKIE that had been baked on a pan that had been used to bake peanut butter cookies but had been WASHED. This was hours after he ate it and had been to the doctor. When we got to the doctor his eye was completely swollen shut.

This was HIVES from eating RICE CEREAL that was contaminated with SOY. This was 3 days later.

Soy reaction after 1 hour of eating something with soy.

What's new lately....

Talent is growing so fast and I hardly have the time to keep up with this like I intended to do in the beginning. He is now talking so much clearer and asking a million and one questions a day. He is learning so many things so fast. At times it's almost overwhelming. He's starting to come out of his shell more and more and this makes me both happy and nervous.

I love that Talent is being more social with the people at church and our families. But, I (like I'm sure all parents do) worry about stranger danger. He's getting to an age where he is curious about other people and will occasionally let other people talk to him that I don't know. When we are at church, I don't worry. I have been in our church since I was not much older than him, so I know everyone. I am able to tell them if they have something unsafe for him, not to touch him until they wash their hands. But, when we are at the store and a stranger wants to touch him, I can't even explain the anxiety that comes over me. I know at times I feel like a football player whose job it is to protect to quarterback....what is that a linebacker? Heck, I don't know. But, I seem to have this feeling when a stranger is going in to touch his face or hands and I can feel myself trying to get in their way. I know I seem rude, but, I don't know where their hands have been. I don't know what they just ate. I don't know if they are CLEAN. I will never understand why people have the need to touch a stranger's child. It makes me all kinds of crazy. Do other parents ever feel this way? I know my best friend was a guard dog about him when he was an infant and she would go places with me. She never let anyone touch him. I loved that she did that. It made me feel less crazy. This whole new phase he is in right now is a tricky one. I want him to be sweet and polite, but I don't want him to just let any stranger touch him. It's something to work on I guess. Teaching him to say "I don't know them" instead of "I don't like them" when a stranger talks to him is where I started. I don't even know what to do to help him learn to not let people touch him.

I think the last time I blogged, or maybe a blog or two back, I talked about teaching him the foods he is allergic to. That is going really well. I have offered him peanuts just to test him and he will tell me "No, that makes me sick" and won't take it. We don't actually have any kind of allergens in our home, so I didn't even have peanuts for him. I just asked if he wanted some....smart little guy to know he can't eat them. He also knows he can't have fish, and he tells anyone that asks that fish makes him sick. It eases my mind knowing that he is learning these things. I also love that when he asks for a certain food somewhere if I tell him that it isn't a safe food, he doesn't even question me anymore. He just says "Okay" and finds something else. He loves powdered donuts, but, lately the brand that is safe for him has been hard to find. He saw Little Debbie brand on the shelf and pointed it out to me, I told him that they were not a safe food, he accepted that and continued helping me look for other options. He can't eat anything made by Little Debbie. I am glad he is learning about his allergies and all of the things he can and can't have.

I am so proud of this boy and all of the progress he is making with his speech, allergies, and everything else. It seems like every time I blink he is doing something new. He is growing so fast and I am just not ready for him to get big. I think Seth and I are SO blessed to have such a smart little boy. I will update another time. For now, here are a few pics from lately.